When are the questions too hard?

So today I faced a dilemma.  My special education co-teacher was out today and she had a substitute teacher who came into the room.  I had today organized fairly well.  First the students would take theirs Ancient Greece tests, then they would write their journal entry, and, finally, work on their Hercules critiques.  When everyone was done working on the test, they could go back to completing their box projects (another post about those later!).  While everyone was in their various stages of work, one of my students came up to me to ask me about a question.  This individual is a fantastic student.  She is bright and helpful and wants to please.  Her downfall is major test anxiety in which she gets so worked up about every test question.  It can be extremely frustrating because when it comes time for PSSA's, I can already tell that she is going to have a major meltdown due to her inability to relax.  She didn't understand what the word incorporate meant.  In general (and you can disagree with me- that's okay!), I don't like to help students with tests especially when the end result is that they don't come to the conclusion on their own.  I would rather see them come up with an answer even if they struggle because it's their own thinking process at work.  I feel that they need to work through the material.  The other part of it is that when it comes time for the standardized test (which unfortunately is the be all, end all), nobody can help them.  I like the wean them off asking for help early so they are prepared to tackle the difficult stuff later on.  So I looked at the students and told her that I would use incorporate in a sentence or scenario and I wanted her to figure out what I was talking about with context clues.  As I'm trying to explain this to her, the guest teacher jumps all over what I'm doing and then goes on to give her an answer which was the total opposite of what I was looking for.  I was pretty aggravated but didn't want to say anything especially in front of the kids.  The sub then proceeded to go about how my test was too hard and that incorporate was too difficult of a word for the seventh graders to understand and that the questions were asking too much.

I was a little upset especially because I felt the need to defend the test.

We had been working on Ancient Greece for about a month and half.  With the new common core standards, I was pretty excited because I could work at putting together something of a thematic unit.  It wasn't perfect by any means.  I'm learning a lot of new things working at Labrum and I'm trying not to rely on what is "safe".  I like trying to expand and do different things with the kids.  So today's test was sort of the culmination of the work we had been doing.  I designed it in such a way that there were 6 questions.  The students were able to choose 5.  They were able to use any notes and resources they had been given to help them formulate their answers.  The questions were all open-ended style responses in which they had to provide sufficient reasons and evidence for their answers.  I also designed the questions using a Higher Order Thinking Questioning Reference Guide that provides question stems as well as key words and verbs for each level of thinking.  I want to start working beyond simple identify and recall questions.  My ultimate goal is for students to synthesize and evaluate the material.  We had recently taken our first benchmark and I noticed that the questions were pretty intense.  Right away, I knew that I had to make a change to my instruction and provide richer and deeper questions.

The guest teacher went on to tell me that the work was too hard and that I was discouraging the kids from learning.  I tried to explain that I was challenging them because as seventh graders, I can't hold their hands forever.  They need to be able to form their own opinions and think above and beyond.  I hate when I get blank stares when I question them and I especially hate when I get the whining of "that's too difficult".  I don't back down though because I want them to answer the hard questions and work through the situations.

The question in question:

What can you incorporate from Ancient Greece into your life today? What valuable lessons or things did you learn from our studies? Support your answer with evidence from our class materials.

When are the questions too hard?  Am I wrong for wanting to raise the bar for the kids?  (I do make accommodations for the children with IEPs) Your thoughts and comments are appreciated!